Strictly's Shirley Ballas has revealed she hates having the deciding vote as head judge and is always desperate for the other panellists to agree and save her from having to give anyone the boot - and often see her facing backlash.
Shirley, 64, is often tasked with the final say if Craig Revel Horwood, 59, Motsi Mabuse, 43, and Anton Du Beke, 58, cannot come to an unanimous decision.
She told Radio Times: 'I'm sitting there every weekend, thinking, Dear Lord, my saviour, please let the other three make the decision so it doesn't come down to me"'.
'But somebody has to do this job and I try to send them home with as much confidence and affection as I can. My heart does have a little cry when I see them go because I've got to know them, and see them improving'.
Shirley joined the judging panel as head judge in 2017, replacing the late Len Goodman and says she has no plans on retiring.
Strictly's Shirley Ballas , 64, has revealed she hates having the deciding vote as head judge and is always desperate for the other panellists to agree and save her
Shirley, 64, is often tasked with the final say if Craig Revel Horwood, 59, Motsi Mabuse, 43, and Anton Du Beke, 58, cannot come to an unanimous decision
She said: 'I'm sitting there every weekend, thinking, Dear Lord, my saviour, please let the other three make the decision so it doesn't come down to me"'
'I want to do Strictly until I pop my clogs. I shall come in on my walking frame, because I'm married to dance!'.
But Shirley considered not returning for the 2023 series after an 'overwhelming' amount of hate from vile trolls online.
But while she called her role the 'icing on the cake' to her career, the abuse that has come alongside it has been extremely difficult to deal with.
She told the Sunday Times last year: 'I think I'm getting stronger as the years go by but the trolling got to me last year: it was bad. I think I was just overwhelmed'.
'I think I'm getting stronger as the years go by but the trolling got to me last year: it was bad. I think I was just overwhelmed.
'This year I've taken on a young man called Harry who does all my social media, which is proving to be just fabulous.'
Employing someone else to manage her social media accounts means that Shirley has not been scrolling through the negative comments.
Shirley, from Merseyside, competed professionally in ballroom dancing from age 15 to 36, before becoming a dance coach and judge.
'But somebody has to do this job and I try to send them home with as much confidence and affection as I can. My heart does have a little cry when I see them go because I've got to know them, and see them improving'
Shirley joined the judging panel as head judge in 2017, replacing the late Len Goodman and says she has no plans on retiring.
Social media messages aimed at her - many of them threatening or sexual in nature - meant she was scared to leave her own home and left her fearing that people are 'lurking in dark corners or hiding behind walls'.
Appearing on Olivia Attwood vs The Trolls in October, she said: 'I've had people draw coffins with me in it with somebody with a spade that said, 'Die you b**ch'.
'It's when it is personal about myself and my family and it affects my mental health. I am not just talking about your phone.'
Though she eventually returned for the 2023 series, Shirley has hinted that she considered not coming back following the torrent of vile online abuse she received during the last series.
In a candid interview, she indicated the previous series may have been her last as she'd hit an 'all-time low' after the abuse 'snowballed out of control'.
The ballroom dancer told how she was constantly left in tears after every show and struggled in silence, telling how it was 'the most negativity' she had ever faced.
She told the Mirror: 'Last year I was struggling. It wasn't just a little bit, it was a lot – the majority of it was in silence. I felt the abuse snowballed out of control and impacted me in such a negative way. I'm a pretty stoic person, and I tend to hold everything in.'
She explained that when the abuse began, it seemed 'larger than anything else', with the star telling how it left her 'crying and emotional', while she was 'embarrassed' about how she felt and didn't confide in anyone.
Shirley added: 'And that was an all-time low since I joined the show – it was the most negativity I'd ever experienced. The BBC were brilliant, checking in on me and offering counselling and support.'
She previously admitted vile death threats left her scared to leave her own home
When asked if she'd considered quitting Strictly, she replied: 'It was a difficult series, I'll leave it at that... Will I go back to Strictly? I always take one step at a time.'
She went on to say that she 'absolutely loved' her job and if it was just down to her judging with none of the trolling involved, it would be the most 'rewarding' job she could think of to do.
The Queen of Latin went on to say that after Strictly finished in 2022, she to a 'break' from TV for 're-focus' on her own industry as well as to 'protect her sanity'.
The full interview with Craig Revel Horwood is available in the latest edition of Radio Times
She revealed the shocking extent of the messages she received - of which one in five were hateful - saying that the thousands of comments she got whenever she sent someone home were 'truly awful'.
She added that she was accused of not liking young people or old, men or women, noting that it 'didn't matter' what she'd do, she could 'never win'.
However, she proudly said that she stood by her decisions and never 'regretted' sending anyone home based on how they performed in the dance off, noting she could 'sleep at night' with her choices.
The trolling got so bad at one stage that she was left seeking medical help for 'low mood and anxiety'.
She explained that, for the first time in a career spanning over five decades, she has been to her doctor to find a way to manage the impact the taunts have had on her.
There was no dance-off on Sunday night's episode of Strictly after Nigel Harman's exit due to a rib injury.
However the lack of elimination meant that viewers branded the 40-minute results show as 'pointless' and 'boring'.
The latest edition of Radio Times is out now.
