It’s been two months since Rachael Kirkconnell and Matt James’ breakup blindsided fans — and the former Bachelor contestant herself.
“I definitely think it was still out of nowhere,” Kirkconnell, 28, told Us Weekly during an exclusive interview while promoting her new clothing collection with Showpo. “And I do think that whether there was either some regret [regarding] the breakup in the first place — or at least the way that it was handled — that’s probably there [on his end] if I had to guess or if I had to say without saying.”
Kirkconnell noted that “part of the reason” the breakup is still “pretty sad” is it “didn’t have to go down the way it did.” (Kirkconnell and James, 33, split in early January, with him ending things during a trip to Tokyo amid a tense fight about a dinner spot.)
“It’s just sad to look back on now — four years later, that’s how things went out,” she continued. “It’s something to not dwell on, but something that I wonder if I’ll always be a little bummed out about.”
“I’m a very firm believer in thinking that it was a blessing in disguise and everything happens for a reason, and that that’s just something that needed to happen in my life,” she told Us. “I don’t even know for what reason, but I’m trusting it. I’m trusting the process. I’m doing good and things are OK. As sad as it is, it happens for a reason.”
Prior to their split, Kirkconnell and James had said in various interviews that they had been talking about marriage and next steps. Kirkconnell later revealed on the “Call Her Daddy” podcast that James told her that he realized she had qualities that he didn’t see in a future wife.
Now, Kirkconnell is looking for a relationship rooted in mutual respect.
“You need to have not only compassion for your partner, but also compassion for yourself. And not only compassion, but just making sure you have respect for yourself and for one another,” she told Us.
Kirkconnell said that she’s learned she wants to be in a partnership where both parties accept each other “for who they are — flaws and all.”
“And to always just make sure you are being an uplifting partner,” she explained. “I won’t speak for all women, but for me personally, I can be pretty self-conscious at times, or I can be really, really hard on myself. Looking back on everything, I’m wondering where that stemmed from. And I definitely want a partner that’s just always very uplifting and supportive of me.”
She added: “Not that that’s what they’re there for — I think you need to find that within yourself — but having someone that supports you and uplifts you the same way you do them is a non-negotiable from here on out.”
Kirkconnell’s next steps are being branded as her “Golden Era,” which goes hand in hand with her Showpo collab.
“It was either pieces that will look absolutely stunning during golden hour [or] pieces that you can feel very confident in, pieces that are trendy and fun, but also a little more simple and elevated to where hopefully you can get a lot of wearers out of them or you’re able to style them a lot of different ways,” she explained.
But will she be rocking the new clothes on the beaches of Bachelor in Paradise? (The spinoff is set to return this summer and host Jesse Palmer has previously told Us that both Kirkconnell and James would be welcomed back to the franchise.)
“I don’t know if I’m able to date someone within the franchise again. I don’t know if I can do that again,” Kirkconnell said before Us pushed for her return. “Listen, I’m never going to totally shut the door on anything. That’s not me, but I also feel like it’s pretty soon and I don’t think I’m ready for that.”
She knows that the collection has looks that would be appropriate for a BiP rose ceremony, namely the sheer white lace off-the-shoulder dress or the black strapless floral dress.
“Maybe you won’t see me on the beaches of Paradise, but you might see me on the beaches elsewhere, just a vacation by myself with a dress on,” she said with a laugh.
While the collection includes two cheetah-print looks — something Kirkconnell dreams of Keke Palmer rocking — and florals, there’s several white looks as well.
“I have a lot of friends in their bridal era right now, so I really want to get a lot of my friends in all of the white pieces,That white lace dress I mentioned [for BiP], and then a shorter white dress with the ruffles that come all across the shoulders. It’s so pretty,” she said. “I love wearing white for spring and summer, so I’m sure I’ll get some good use out of it too, but I would love to see a lot of girls wearing the white on either their bachelorette or at their bridal shower.”
