Love Is Blind cuts right to the core of who someone really is — like it or not. Freed from the pressures of physical appearance and the rules of dating in the digital age, the singles entering the experiment are able to be themselves. But for Madison, a Season 8 pod squad member who’s already making a splash, that’s never been an issue.
“I don’t know how to not be myself,” she tells Tudum. And heading into the pods armed with that confidence comes in handy. “You don’t have your normal support system. You’re developing a relationship with someone on the other side of a wall,” she explains. “At the end of the day, all I have is myself, and I trust myself enough to make good decisions.”
But being so self-possessed doesn’t make Madison’s Love Is Blind journey easy. Her honesty and unwavering commitment to her own instincts stir up plenty of drama. So grab your Bearlien and keep reading to hear from Madison about her bold approach to dating and how she found herself in a messy love rhombus with Alex, Mason, and Meg.
Entering the experiment, what were you hoping to find? Why did you want to join?
I have been single for three years now, and every relationship I’ve gotten into has just been pretty superficial — a situationship hates to see me coming [laughs]. To take that aspect out of dating and be like, “OK, at the end of the day, all they have is my personality, and all I have is their personality,” was really exciting to me. The rest would just be a bonus.
What are your thoughts when you look back on the earliest days in the pods?
I was very nervous, because you don’t know if the other person is going to give [you] energy back. I’ve never dated through a wall before — I’ve gone on dates where it feels like I’m talking to a wall [laughs]. It was just fun going into the pods and seeing how a connection can be formed within the first 10 minutes. That first day, I knew what I wanted. There were a few times that I told people, “Yeah, I just don't think we’re going to be a very good match.” I was very honest about that.
I think my honesty can be one of my strongest qualities, but it can also get me in trouble. If I’m not telling [you] the full details of a situation or being fully transparent about everything, I feel like I’m lying. But sometimes it’s OK to just keep some things to yourself. I wouldn’t ever change that about myself, but it definitely puts me in some sticky situations.
What was it about Alex that drew you to him immediately?
Alex was my number one, day one. There was just a vibe and an energy there. I thought he had an attractive voice. I remember walking away from our first date and being like, “Wow, there’s something really special here.” I felt that way about Mason too, but Alex and I just had a lot in common right off the bat.
You were both very vulnerable with each other, especially in the conversation about attachment styles. How did that come about? And do you still self-identify as avoidant?
I remember trying to explain why I tend to be a little bit more avoidant in relationships. I talked about situations where people that are supposed to take care of me and take care of my heart have just left me high and dry for things that they think are better. I’ve been in therapy and working toward a more secure attachment style. Maybe I’m still avoidant, but I do think that there has been a lot of self-growth, for sure.
Did you feel misunderstood by his response?
He completely shut down. I left that date feeling so weird, because it’s hard to feel like you have such a connection with someone and then feel them pull away when you’re really honest with them. But I was glad that I said that because it’s true. He has every right to decide if he wants to move forward with someone like me or not.
I was confused because I did feel like I explained myself well at the time. I was just saying, “I have been this way in past relationships.” I did see his point of view, and he told me he’s been in relationships with avoidant women in the past, and that really hurt him. For me, it just sucked, but I wanted to prove to him that that’s not who I am.
You were also pursuing a connection with Mason, who ultimately declared that he was committed to you. Why did that turn you off?
First and foremost, I immediately felt like he was saying the right thing to the wrong person. I didn’t know that until he said it because I wanted Alex to say that to me. I also felt like it was almost a little manipulative, because I think he could sense that I was pulling away. Our date that day was just off. [Mason and I] weren’t bantering the same [way], and I think he felt that. I think he said, “I’m committed to you,” in order to keep me there.
But I still cared about him and wanted him to find his person. At the same time, he was still dating Meg, so it just felt too soon for him to say that [to me]. A lot of the things he did at the end made me question his intentions and … why he was there.
How did you navigate your relationship with Meg knowing you were both dating the same person? How do you look back on that dynamic?
I never told her who I was dating. I think she found out through other people. It was never an issue for me, but I can’t necessarily say the same for her. On a friendship level, we just weren’t very compatible and didn’t gravitate toward each other. Maybe I shouldn’t have spoken so much about her [in the pods with Mason], but I think I was fed up with his dishonesty at that point — whether Meg and I were on good terms or not.
Why do you think Alex felt the need to come to Mason’s defense after you cut off your connection with him?
One of the things that really drew me to Alex was his positivity. He really wanted to be a good guy … But that was really invalidating to me. I didn’t care if they were friends, but at the end of the day, you’re not here to find friends. You’re here to find a wife. I need to know that you’re going to be on my side. I’m not making you choose, but I need to know that you’re going to be there with me in those difficult emotions. He constantly had to push away hard emotions with positivity. That’s how he dealt with things. But I need to sit in my feelings, recognize them so that I can move forward, and then focus on the positive.
After everything that happened, were you still planning on getting engaged to Alex going into that last conversation?
Walking into the date, I didn’t think that it was going to end in a breakup. I was hoping that it would give me clarity about our relationship, and it did. This wasn’t the first time that Alex had made me feel invalidated. This is supposed to be your safe person, so you’re kind of testing to see how they handle situations.
Every time he’d be like, “Oh, well, they’re a good person,” I would express my feelings the way that I needed to, and then he’d be like, “Oh, you’re getting avoidant on me.” I was trying my best, and if it wasn’t good enough for him, then it’s never going to be good enough. It was sad, but that was all the clarity I needed. I wasn’t shocked by the outcome.
What were the biggest things you learned on this journey?
The most powerful thing I learned is that it’s actually really abnormal for people to go [into this experiment] and have these moments [that are] open to opinions from strangers. Either you run away from it or really embrace it. At the end of the day, I’m going to be able to look at that version of myself and know that I did the best I could. That radical self-acceptance of when you’re able to own your shit and no one can say anything that brings you down is the most powerful thing I’ve been able to gain.
Is there anything else you want to share about your experience in the pods?
Going through the experiment and [being] in the pods, there are times when I felt really misunderstood, and I’m expecting that to happen on a larger scale. That was the deep wound that I had, so I did everything in my power to make sure that no one misunderstood me. But it doesn’t matter because some people just aren’t capable of understanding who you are — or just don’t want to.
This interview has been edited for length and clarity.
