IF I had a pound for every man who has told me he’s really “into” older women, I’d have retired to the Maldives by now.
They might say that, only to discover they find us hard to handle because we don’t submit or succumb like other women who are more eager to please.
Those of us in our 50s are done with people-pleasing.
We’re so over it. We want someone who respects our strengths and embraces our vulnerabilities.
A woman who knows her own mind, and who has as much panache as she has boundaries and standards, can make mice of men.
She can be daunting, threatening and unnerving for those who prefer to think they are in control.
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Which is why the spectacular global phenomenon — and star of stage and screen — Hannah Waddingham, 50, has admitted in this paper she is going through a dating dry spell.
Firstly, Lord help the rest of us mere mortals if she is struggling.
Hannah looks like she’s in excellent shape, with more energy than a 20- year-old. If she finds older men dull, I can highly recommend trying a younger one.
Secondly, women in their 50s are in their prime. This is a fact.
Some might want to believe we are in the autumn of our lives, but the reality is that our minds are still as rampant as springtime — because we accept our bodies for what they’ve given us over the years and we know what we want sexually.
There’s an untouchable confidence that comes with ageing and maturing.
Hannah Waddingham's Skincare Secrets (1)
Hannah looks like she’s in excellent shape, with more energy than a 20- year-old. If she finds older men dull, I can highly recommend trying a younger one.
I speak as a scholar of dipping my toe in the younger-men dating pool. The majority of the dates I’ve had over the past five years have had age gaps of decades.
‘Talking is overrated’
This may explain why I’m still single. But my mindset is much like Hannah’s — I’ve found that the men closer in age to me have turned out to be a tad dreary, set in their ways and carrying more baggage than Heathrow’s Terminal 5.
I even became a therapist for some. No thanks, mate.
I have no qualms about sounding ageist when it comes to men.
Us women have suffered entire lifetimes of it. It’s no longer good enough to suggest that a 20-year age gap will leave you with nothing to talk about. Sometimes talking is overrated.
There is more to life than geo-political debates, harping on about fashion in the 1980s or a tedious game of Scrabble.
Hannah Waddingham oozes sex appeal but, of course, we know there is more to her than that.
I can tell you from experience that her feeling parched when it comes to men is definitely not a reflection of the woman herself.
Just look at her in all her glory — statuesque at 5ft 11in, and a face chiselled by the gods.
With the voice of an angel, she is a multi-talented actress, singer and dancer.
What’s not to love? I don’t mind confessing that if I was otherwise inclined, I’d be first in line to ask her out.
Except, of course, for many men, the mere mention of her name might be intimidating enough to send them running for the hills.
As we know, men are like broken records when they say they love a strong, mature, independent woman.
Talk is cheap and the reality, they quickly discover, is quite, quite different. Of course, going through a dry spell is not the same as being completely unlucky in love.
I’ve been going through a veritable drought for the past five years, especially when it has come to suitable, interesting, good men — and I still don’t rate myself as unlucky in love.
I just think it’s a reflection of some dodgy choices on my part and the fact that, when push comes to shove, I have boundaries.
I can’t be bothered to waste my energy on men who bring nothing to the table or who are lily-livered.
I want a strong man I can respect, but one who is as soppy and romantic as the day is long.
And it’s true, men like that are as rare as hen’s teeth.
It sounds like that’s not a million miles from what Hannah would like, either. While, by her own admission, she has often been “a bit picky” when it comes to dating, her strict “criteria” is really not a big ask.
She basically wants a man who can lie in bed with her with a glass of milk while nibbling some Marmite toast.
Since when was that demanding? She wants good, positive energy — someone who brings their A-game. Someone who will step up.
If not, they can step off, she says. Which is more or less shorthand for wanting to find someone who is caring and strong, but also charismatic and fun.
You can’t argue that a woman of 50, with buckets of personal and professional experience who is also a mum, doesn’t know her own mind.
Sometimes, a girl needs a young, keen, energetic body to wake up next to.
So I’m wondering if Hannah wouldn’t like to consider a younger man. She has the energy, intellect and wit to match a man of any age and, if it’s true that she is done with the “misogs” (miserable old gits), I think she could be more suited to a young whippersnapper.
Plenty of older women have success dating younger men. Film director Sam Taylor-Johnson is 57 — the same age as me — but was 42 when she hooked up with now-hubby Aaron, 34.
Helena Bonham Carter, 58, is with Rye Dag Holmboe, an art historian 21 years her junior.
And Loose Women star Denise Welch, 66, has been married to artist Lincoln Townley, 51, for over a decade.
I have never perceived anyone dating a younger man as predatory, as the term “cougar” implies. I’ve always thought it shows mature young men who really value the depth of experience, knowledge and confidence their older half has.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not against men my age. I’m not even entirely repulsed by a dad bod.
‘Selfish and egotistical’
But sometimes, a girl needs a young, keen, energetic body to wake up next to. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again — as the kids grow up but the husbands don’t, it’s time to dedicate our lives to us.
If society is happy for Mick Jagger, Rod Stewart, Leonardo DiCaprio, Bradley Cooper (the list is literally endless) to date and marry younger women, then it’s only fair we accept the same of older women.
Often, it’s about sexual chemistry and connection. It’s alchemy — something that can’t be described or explained, but can happen between people of different generations.
Having said that, true connection is hard to find. I should know.
I inadvertently ended up matching with a lot of younger men when I first started online dating, purely because I’d forgotten to set age limits.
In many respects, it was the best thing that could have happened. I wouldn’t have considered men 20 years my junior otherwise.
The older woman has experience and enthusiasm in spades — sometimes wasted on grumpy old men.
I would have ended up with the old geezers who take their profile picture in the urinals, who are still clinging on to their well-worn slippers but haven’t quite let go of their ex, and who have definitely never made a woman swing from the chandeliers.
Granted, young men can be selfish and egotistical, but why wouldn’t they be at their age?
They may not want to settle down, but neither do many older women.
The mature woman wants a circuit breaker — a bit of upheaval in her routine, an injection of life, fun, energy and positivity.
She wants to be admired and accepted for who she is and what she has lived. The older woman has experience and enthusiasm in spades and, sometimes, that can be wasted on grumpy old men.
The bombshell that is Hannah Waddingham — yes, I called her a bombshell — is far from being “picky” when it comes to men. Wanting a decent kisser and a man with appeal is surely just the bare minimum.
